


Parallel

by SisterDuffin



Category: Casualty (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 05:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19457806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SisterDuffin/pseuds/SisterDuffin
Summary: There are so many similarities between Lisa Duffin and Alicia Munroe. [Discusses the aftermath of rape and trying to heal]





	Parallel

It was late, two hours after her shift had ended and yet Alicia remained in the grounds of the department. She was sat on the wall, her hands in her pocket, seemingly staring at the sky. She knew she had to go home at some point but she knew if she did, she wouldn’t sleep and it would be pointless.

Duffy had been out for a lovely dinner with Charlie, it was nice for them to spend some quality time together. Both of them had been working a lot lately so a nice relaxed dinner in her favourite restaurant, was just what they both needed. It was only on her way home that Duffy realised she’d left her purse in her locker. Telling Charlie that she’d walk home (they lived a short distance away and although it was dark, she was comfortable walking the distance)

She frowned slightly when she noticed Alicia on the wall and went into the department. Getting what she needed from her locker, Duffy came back outside and noticed that Alicia was still there. She thought about going across, to speak to her but she wasn’t sure if it was going to be appreciated. However, on the other hand Duffy knew that she’d only spend the rest of the evening worrying if she didn’t ask her if she was okay. Slowly, Duffy approached Alicia.

“Alicia?”

“Hmm?” Alicia turned her attention to Duffy and smiled. “What are you doing here, you finished work hours ago?”

Duffy smiled and perched against the wall, “I could say the same to you.”

Alicia looked up at the sky. The stars were noticeable, a full moon in the sky. It looked beautiful, night time was her favourite time of night. That tranquility about the world. Duffy watched Alicia’s body language, trying to figure out if there was something wrong. There was definitely something, after all who would choose to remain in the department hours after their shift had ended? There was a silence between both ladies for a while.

“You should go..” Alicia said quietly, “I don’t want to ruin your evening.”

Duffy shook her head, “you’re not ruining anyone’s evening.” She paused for a second, “Do you fancy a drink?”

Alicia removed her hands from her pockets and fiddled with the elastic band around her wrist. She swallowed and nodded. A drink might give her the opportunity to talk. Duffy stood up straight and began to walk in the direction of the Hope and Anchor, whilst sending Charlie a quick text to say she’d be back home shortly. Alicia pinged the elastic band once more, sighed and moved off the wall.

Getting inside the pub, Alicia looked around and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Duffy noticed her nervousness and asked, “what would you like to drink?”

“An orange juice please.”

She nodded and ordered two orange juices. She found them a table and sat down, sliding one of the glasses over to Alicia. Alicia thanked her quietly, picked up the glass and took a large mouthful.

“What’s wrong?”

Alicia looked at Duffy and then back at her glass. She sighed and looked up, meeting Duffy’s gaze. She wouldn’t say she was friends with Duffy, they were colleagues who only occasionally spoke outside of work. However, since Bea had left for France; she hadn’t had anyone really to talk to about things. There was the counselling but sometimes she didn’t feel comfortable talking, so she avoided going.

“Everything.”

That wasn’t true, it wasn’t _everything_ that was wrong. It was a few small areas of her life that had taken a slight detour and these were making her feel a bit crap. She sighed, “maybe not everything but, most things.”

“Do you want to talk about them?”

Alicia shrugged, she tucked another strand of hair behind her ear and sipped her orange juice.

“The Eddie situation, Ethan, work.”

They were the main three. Healing from her attack had been a lot harder than she’d ever anticipated. It was the little things. Learning to sleep in her own room again (despite the makeover), her whole vision of herself, learning not to be afraid at every knock, every shadow, every sound. Her relationship with Ethan was difficult and work was the only thing she had to focus on but she was exhausted, she was afraid of making a mistake in her job and losing the one thing she loved. Duffy didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to question her and make it sound like an interrogation because if she did, it would only cause Alicia to clam up.

Alicia picked up the glass and necked the liquid, downing the contents in a couple of seconds. She placed the glass on the table and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“I wish that had vodka in it.” She laughed slightly before continuing, “I’m… supposed to be seeing Ethan.”

“Romantically?”

Alicia nodded, her fingers finding the elastic band around her wrist. She played with the elastic as she answered, “trying too.”

“But you’re finding it hard?”

There was another nod. Duffy sighed sadly. The parallels between her and Alicia made Duffy slightly uncomfortable. Ever since the department had discovered when Eddie has done to Alicia, Duffy was constantly being reminded of the person she used to be. How fragile she was, how fragile she still was despite it happening a number of decades ago.

“Ethan’s lovely, he really is but…”

“There’s a part of you that’s afraid that if you trust him too much, he’ll hurt you in exactly the same way Eddie did?”

Alicia swallowed. That was exactly how she felt, how did she know? Noticing Duffy had finished her drink, she asked;

“Do you want another drink?”

“Sure, another orange juice please.” With a small nod of acknowledgement, Alicia stood up and went to the bar.

Returning a few moments later with another orange juice and a bottle of white wine, Alicia poured herself a large glass. There was nothing spoken between the two, the pub quieter than normal for a Friday evening so there wasn’t a lot of distractions from others.

She closed her eyes momentarily as she drank a large mouthful of wine and reopened them.

“That’s much better.” Alicia declared, topping up her glass to the brim again. Duffy’s finger ran around the outside of her glass as she watched the behaviour of the younger woman.

“I worry that he..” Alicia shrugged, “he sees the real me.”

“It’s just an illusion. It’s not real. There aren’t parts of you that are more obvious than others. It’s just what you think when you’re healing.”

“But what if I’m not healing?”

Duffy took a sip of orange juice and answered, “only you can answer that.”

Alicia took another large mouthful of wine and repeated her earlier actions, filling the glass back up to the top. She wanted to explain how she felt but wasn’t able to find the right words.

“I thought that by going to the police, by doing everything by the book, it would help me move on. But it’s done the opposite.”

“Is that how it feels?”

Alicia nodded. She picked up the glass, paused for a second and then downed the contents. She sighed, “he’s still here. In my head.”

Duffy smiled sadly, “and he always will be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t silence your thoughts about him.”

“I was weak.”

“No Alicia you weren’t. You said no and he took advantage! Any man with a shred of decency in his bones would’ve respected your decision.”

Alicia’s shoulders rose and then fell again. She knew what Duffy was saying was true. But there was an element of doubt. She was weak, wasn’t she?

“Have you spoken to Ethan about how feel?” Alicia shook her head, “no.”

“Do you trust him?”

“Yes but-“ Duffy reached over and squeezed her hand. “Alicia, not every man in the world will hurt you. You’ll know who’s worth trusting and who isn’t. Ethan might be worth trusting but only you can decide how much trust you give him to start with.”

Nothing was said between the two for a while. Both of them just drank their drinks in silence. Alicia swallowed and whispered; “I’m not ready.”

Duffy looked up from staring at her glass, her thoughts broken by Alicia’s voice. She smiled sadly as she caught her gaze.

“It’s ok not to be ready. You’ll know when you are. But you need to be honest to Ethan too. That way he knows how to support you best.”

Alicia nodded slowly as she finished the contents of her glass. She picked up the empty bottle and sighed noticing there was nothing in it. It was probably a good idea, she was becoming a little light headed. She put the bottle back down.

“Why do you know so much on the situation?” She asked.

Duffy ran her finger along the rim of the glass. She tilted her head slightly to look at Alicia. She didn’t say anything for a moment, “life experience.”

Alicia’s eyes closed for a second. She was becoming tired. The wine, lack of food and the talking she’d done was mentally and physically draining. Duffy stood up, “our spare room’s free, if you want to stay the night?”

“Are you sure? Won’t Charlie mind?”

Duffy nodded and smiled, “of course I’m sure and don’t worry about Charlie, I’ll sort him out.”

Alicia reopened her eyes, took a deep breath and stood up. She grabbed her jacket and stumbled slightly from the chair. “I need the bathroom.”

“I’ll wait for you outside, ok?”

Alicia nodded as she made her way to the toilets. Duffy went outside and closed her eyes. She could’ve told Alicia the truth, that the reason she knew so much about the situation was because she’d been in Alicia’s shoes once upon a time. She took her phone from her pocket and smiled at the text she’d received from Charlie.

_‘Hurry up, I’m cold and want cuddles. I love you xxx’_

She replied back; ‘ _I’m on my way home, with Alicia. She’s drunk and I think she needs a friend. You don’t mind, if she stays in the spare room, do you? I’ll even thank you personally ;) Xx_ ’

A couple of minutes later, Charlie replied with something that caused Duffy’s cheeks to turn red. She giggled and bit her lower lip just as Alicia came out of the pub. She tightened her jacket around her body, the cold night air sending a chill down her spine.

“Thank you.” Alicia whispered.

“What for?” Duffy asked as they began to make the journey back to hers.

“Everything,” She replied, “since Bea left, I haven’t really had anyone to talk too. I have the counsellor but—“

“It’s not really the same, is it? Talking to a professional rather than a friend.”

She shook her head and yawned, covering her mouth with her hand before apologising. Since she’d slept with Ethan, she’d struggled with falling asleep - most nights she’d be awake all hours.

“Not sleeping?”

She shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Not really, I’m not a great sleeper anyway but it’s got worse lately.”

“Have you been to the doctors?”

Alicia nodded. The first thing she’d done when she’d struggled sleeping was go to her GP. She’d been prescribed antidepressants although she was reluctant to take them because in her eyes, she wasn’t depressed.

“Duffy?”

“Yes Alicia?”

“It happened to you too, didn’t it? That’s why you know the right things to say.”

A small sigh escaped Duffy’s lips and she nodded, “I was raped a long time ago. Maybe if someone told me the things I’ve told you, things might have been different for me.”

“What do you mean?”

Duffy took a deep breath and replied, “I refused to acknowledge what happened to me. So much so that, I now have ptsd.”

“Because of me?”

“Not because of you Alicia but because of what happened to you. There’s so many parts of my younger self that I see in you.” She smiled sadly as she looked at the younger women. “So afraid and unsure of everything. But I promise you Alicia, if there’s one thing life taught me. It’s that this, doesn’t define you. And you will get better. With or without trusting Ethan.”

“What if I’m not as strong as you?”

“You’re stronger than you think, Alicia.” She began walking again, “fancy some chips on the way back?”

Alicia walked with her, in silence. Maybe Duffy had a point, maybe she was stronger than she thought she was. She knew she had to talk to Ethan. Even if all he did, was support as a friend. She could do this. She wasn’t as alone as she thought she was. She could do this, she just needed to believe in herself more.

**Author's Note:**

> Because the writers had a perfect opportunity to include Duffy’s past rape in Alicia’s storyline and failed.


End file.
